Growing Pains

When you reach those areas in life that no one has ever touched before, including yourself, it hurts.

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I’ve watched women around me branch out and leave the nest. Some have branched out on their own and obtained roommates, while others have taken the lonesome road and worked  fill time positions. I’ve also witnessed some friends getting married and moving in with their husbands and bringing new babies into life….

…..

Yesterday, I was confronted about my lack of commitment. I am 25 years old and I get bored easily. I am artist at heart and cannot imagine staying on a job more than 6 months to a year unless it is something that I really enjoy doing; something that gives me purpose and allows my creativity to flow. I refuse.

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I hung out with two friends yesterday , and its been years since I’ve actually had female friends/associates that did not involve work. My last friendship was in High school and that ended pretty bad….

However, as we were climbing the mountain yesterday, one of the ladies handed me her glasses to hold, and I did. Everything was great. We were taking pictures, and having fun, everything was just great. On our way down, we were all dancing and excited to have finished climbing the hard side of the mountain. Somewhere in between that time, I dropped those glasses. Bummer.

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To make a long story short, the glasses were very expensive and I had no means of paying for them, or even half, and what I offered wasnt good enough. So, there it was, a quick entry and a quick exit of “friendship.”

What also left out the window was a piece of my heart. I had come to the realization that I don’t appreciate anything with value, because I’ve never worked for anything of material value. I do not shop name brand and I do not keep up with the latest fashions and trends. I had no idea what Micheal Kors glasses even looked like. My main question is, “Why spend that much for glasses?” They’re just glasses….

I was hurt.

I went home and my mom yells at me for trying to use the hair dryer in the bathroom. She said the bathroom socket couldn’t take that surge of energy.  So, I got mad and said, “Well maybe I should buy my own stuff so I can appreciate more.”

Mama said , “Right. Exactlty.”

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Ive never experienced this picture above. Of leaving the house in certainty and proviso awaiting. I’m looking forward to though in this season on Jesus name.

I never had to stay commited to one job before because I live with mama. I’m 25 years old and struggling to maintain a stable career. I’m struggling to have my own things so people wont yell at me for messing up theirs. I’m struggling to be stable and consistent. I’ve never practiced those things before, and when I did, something went wrong.

What I’m saying is , I’m coming to the realization that I need more stability. I need a reason to stay. Or better yet, make up my mind to, even without reason.

SO, ….Its time to grow up.

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Ive been working all these years,  but … now its time see the harvest of my patient labor.

One season at a time.